RELATIONSHIPS CHANGE!
 

Similar to an individual growing and changing in life – relationships change!

So actually… if you’re in a relationship – you’re faced with a double whammy…

You grow…you change…AND so your partner does …AS WELL AS your relationship does!

 Add to this your children (and their stages) … your parents (and their stages)!

NOW IMAGINE THAT!

 So it’s helpful to understand at least some of it.

Relationships stages:

Romantic-Reality-Transformation-Mature

 
The importance of COMMUNICATION SKILLS.

Effective communication entails the HEART of a good relationship…

According to Daniel B. Wile (1993) couples fight when they feel “unable to make their points”. As long as one partner feels the other is NOT ‘hearing’ what one tries to say… the fighting will continue.

Fighting also escalates in what he calls “Levels of attack”:
Learning about these levels – may help couples to learn to contain the ‘attack’ and return to what the real Issues are – instead of being caught in an escalating anger-spiral of going nowhere.

Being able to be heard ….restores the feeling of being entitled to what you feel.

A crucial part of counselling is to learn HOW TO HAVE A CONSTRUCTIVE FIGHT - a basic skill few has.

INTERNALISED SCRIPTS we bring INTO the RELATIONSHIP

Part of dynamic therapeutic intervention entails exploring the internalised map we got from our parents relationship; How they (our parents) dealt with conflict, handled criticism, what they valued etc. Differences in style, family backgrounds, often lead to conflict due to unconscious assumptions held by partners.

The days of expecting and assuming your relationship will last with little need for
Growth (change) is long over!
Relationships needs to be revisited, re-balanced, even re-invented.
Whether we like it or not – it’s just the reality about it all!

DIVORCE/SEPARATION COUNSELLING.

THE GUIDING ETHIC OF THIS AGE IS CHOICE, AUTONOMY, AND THE FREEDOM TO CHANGE ONE’S LIFE. FEWER PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO ENDURE THE HEAVY AND BITTER WEIGHT OF A LOVELESS MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP.

THERE COMES A DAY WHEN ONE FEELS YOU HAD ENOUGH PAIN, ENOUGH HOLDING BACK…ENOUGH LONELINESS. HOWEVER FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO LEAVE … THERE IS ONE BEING LEFT.

A DIVORCE IS A PROCESS UNFOLDING:
AFTER THE INITIAL SHOCK, A PHASE OF ROLLERCOASTER EMOTIONS FOLLOW (A CRITICAL PERIOD) THE PAIN OF DIVORCING/SEPARATING CAN BE OVERWHELMING FEELINGS CASCADING TO-AND-THRO ANGER, HURT, LOSS, GUILT, YEARNING, FEAR – UNTIL THE MOURNING PROCESS ULTIMATELY ABATES, AND NEW LIFE BEGINS.

DIVORCE/SEPARATING IS ALSO AN OPPORTUNITY FOR GROWTH. SOMETHING ENDS AND SOMETHING NEW BEGINS. THERE COMES A DAY WHEN YOU REALIZE STRENGTHS, YOU NEVER REALIZED YOU HAD BEFORE.

A SENSE THAT WHAT MATTERS NOW IS THE PRESENT – AND YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE: A NEW CENTERED SELF HAS KICKED IN. YOU SEE THE SUN SHINES AGAIN! AND THAT YOU DO HAVE WORTH!

Other crucial aspects covered in Divorce counselling are:

Psychological traps of divorcing/splitting, mourning & mending, friends & relations, healthy conflict, the children, effects of divorce on children, single & second parenting (STEP-PARENTING), Co-parenting – and lastly Surviving as a Single.

contact details
back to top

 


web design by: www.thejunction.co.za · copyright © HÉLÈNE LEWIS