SUFFERING THAT FALLS IN OUR LOT IN THE COURSE OF NATURE, OR BY CHANCE, OR FATE, DOES NOT SEEM SO PAINFUL
AS SUFFERING WHICH IS INFLICTED ON US BY THE ARBITRARY WILL OF ANOTHER.
- ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER
WE SHALL NOT CEASE FROM EXPLORATION
AND THE END OF ALL OUR EXPLORING
WILL BE TO ARRIVE WHERE WE STARTED
AND KNOW THE PLACE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
HÉLÈNE LEWIS HED, MSc(Psych). HPCSA
I've been based in Cape Town since 1989, practising as a Counselling Psychologist in private practice since 1992 in Chapman's Peak Noordhoek.
In 2011, I moved to the little Karoo and now live in Barrydale. I've however continued my practice in Noordhoek/Sunnydale, albeit on a bi-weekly basis only, as a part-time practice. I also do sessions in Swellendam and Barrydale. I'm available for online sessions.
Though my therapeutic approach is eclectic, it's primarily systems, psycho-dynamic and CBT based. I use EMDR and Hypnotherapy when indicated. I work with clients of all ages; children 6+, teenagers & adolescents, adults and couples & families.
I hold a masters degree in Clinical psychology, though registered as a Counselling Psychologist with HPCSA in 1992. I'm also a member of HDS the international Humiliation & Dignity Studies association in NY.
In 2016 I published a book on the longterm consequences unprocessed trauma & grief, as well as humiliation had on Afrikaners, due to the ABW (1899-1902) and the dire aftermath. A universal human story, true though,
to all people and all nations, after having been through traumatic experiences.
INDIVIDUALS | COUPLES | FAMILIES | CHILDREN
My Approach is Eclectic and partly determined by the world-view held by the client in therapy.
My background and training is in:
Systems theory : as humans we are all connected and impacting and influencing each other, whether emotionally, interpersonally, environmentally or culturally. Present day man also have to deal with a global context as environment, reaching into our most intimate spaces through media and film.
Psycho-Dynamically : childhood patterns (maps) internalized from our earliest experiences in our primary families, and the group we come from. These gets re-enacted later in life in our relationships, be it our partners, children, employer. Unconscious fears & shame, values and dreams unconsciously influence our choices of partners), even careers. Therapy provides a way to become conscious of those unconscious scripts and helping us letting go of dysfunctional (often repetitive) patterns we don’t need anymore .…In the process helping us to become authentically who we really are, and as such to optimize our potential.
Cognitive therapy, in challenging faulty thinking (the inner critic) and erroneous assumptions and becoming aware of negative self-talk, all forms part of the therapeutic dialect.
My approach is also strongly influenced by the Humanist’s (client-centered therapy), Existentialist’s (what’s the meaning of life) and Jungian Psychology (symbolism and the unconscious), Transpersonal (spiritual) and Positive Psychology (focus on strengths rather than dysfunctions only).
To take a critical stance towards what we assume to be right, to reflect on ourselves, the world we belong to, and help creating.
Narrative, dreams, hypnotherapy and bibliotherapy all form part of the engagement in the process of self-discovery.
DEPRESSION & ANXIETY | PERSONAL GROWTH | COUPLES COUNSELLING | FAMILY/CHILD THERAPY | TRAUMA AND GRIEF COUNSELLING | STRESS MANAGEMENT | PTSD | LIFE COACHING
· Fees are time based and are covered by most Medical aids (if applicable & stays responsibility of client to determine).
COUPLE - MARRIAGE - DIVORCE
Similar to an individual growing and changing in life – relationships change!
So actually… if you’re in a relationship – you’re faced with a double whammy…
You grow…you change…AND so your partner does …AS WELL AS your relationship does!
Add to this your children (and their stages) … your parents (and their stages)!
NOW IMAGINE THAT!
So it’s helpful to understand at least some of it.
The importance of COMMUNICATION SKILLS.
Effective communication entails the HEART of a good relationship…
According to Daniel B. Wile (1993) couples fight when they feel “unable to make their points”. As long as one partner feels the other is NOT ‘hearing’ what one tries to say… the fighting will continue.
Fighting also escalates in what he calls “Levels of attack”:
Learning about these levels – may help couples to learn to contain the ‘attack’ and return to what the real Issues are - instead of being caught in an escalating anger-spiral of going nowhere.
Being able to be heard ….restores the feeling of being entitled to what you feel.
A crucial part of counselling is to learn HOW TO HAVE A CONSTRUCTIVE FIGHT - a basic skill few has.
INTERNALISED SCRIPTS we bring INTO the RELATIONSHIP
Part of dynamic therapeutic intervention entails exploring the internalised map we got from our parents relationship; How they (our parents) dealt with conflict, handled criticism, what they valued etc. Differences in style, family backgrounds, often lead to conflict due to unconscious assumptions held by partners.
The days of expecting and assuming your relationship will last with little need for
Growth (change) is long over!
Relationships needs to be revisited, re-balanced, even re-invented.
Whether we like it or not – it’s just the reality about it all!
The guiding ethic of this age is choice, autonomy, and the freedom to change one’s life. Fewer people are willing to endure the heavy and bitter weight of a loveless marriage/relationship.
There comes a day when one feels you had enough pain, enough holding back…enough loneliness. However for everyone who wants to leave … THERE IS ONE BEING LEFT.
A DIVORCE IS A PROCESS UNFOLDING:
After the initial shock, a phase of rollercoaster emotions follow (a critical period) the pain of divorcing/separating can be overwhelming feelings cascading to-and-thro anger, hurt, loss, guilt, yearning, fear - until the mourning process ultimately abates, and new life begins.
Divorce/separating is also an opportunity for growth. Something ends and something new begins. there comes a day when you realize strengths, you never realized you had before.
A sense that what matters now is the present – and you suddenly realize: a new centered self has kicked in. You see the sun shines again! and that you DO HAVE WORTH!
Other crucial aspects covered in Divorce counselling are:
Psychological traps of divorcing/splitting, mourning & mending, friends & relations, healthy conflict, the children, effects of divorce on children, single & second parenting (STEP-PARENTING), Co-parenting – and lastly Surviving as a Single.
E: firstname.lastname@example.org OR CONTACT ME ON +27 83 676 0724
5 Bronn Street, Swellendam, 6740.
©2022 | HÉLÈNE LEWIS. All rights reserved.